Wow! The 23rd year of my life was truly a journey. The soundtrack for it would be the song Experience by Ludovico Einaudi. This instrumental sounds like life in 4 minutes, with ebbs and flows of intensity, and pride all wrapped up with the quickness of time. Like a crisp morning, and soft baby curls, and saying goodbye to the aged. I listened to it religiously while preparing for the arrival of my son. I wasn't sure as to what I was going to experience, but I knew the experience was coming. My heart is incredibly humble, and raw today. Today is my first birthday with my son earthside, and my first birthday without my grandmother. It feels weird to not have her card in my hand, but it feels right to have my son in my arms, his sweet giggle cutting through the palpable grief on the surface. I wanted to reflect on both the lessons I've learned this year while also sharing my hopes, and dreams for my 24th year of life. Where do I even begin?
23 Lessons learned in my 23rd year:
Never underestimate the power of your body.
Give yourself grace.
Be gentle to your body.
Words matter, and hold weight.
Don't be afraid to set your intentions.
Drink a glass of water.
Write something daily, it keeps track of the days.
Laundry not being folded is morally neutral.
Shower daily.
A deep breath goes a long way.
There will always be something to do, but the present moment is only in passing. Stop. BE present.
Audition. Step out. Do it.
There's never a perfect moment. So stop waiting.
The school will find you. The job will find you. Just be patient.
Smile.
Laugh.
Dance in the living room.
Eat when you want, and what you want.
Don't bend your boundaries for anyone.
Go on a trip, even with a baby.
Soak up the mundane.
Healing happens with time, space, and awareness.
Becoming is intentional.
24 Hopes for year 24:
Health. A year of good health. (Truly the list could stop there but will continue)
Watching Rory continue to experience the world.
Growing my commitment to unlearning dogma and rediscovering my faith.
Continuing my love and passion for school.
Two theatre runs for 2023.
Good new music. (Please, come on new Frank Ocean album)
One concert in 2023.
A summer trip with my sister
Allowing myself to feel and process grief as it comes.
Family beach trip!
Continuing my passion
A book a day with Rory
Laughter.
Nights by the campfire.
Family pool time together.
Karaoke.
Reconnecting with old friends.
Less financial stressors and burdens.
Less guilt surrounding motherhood.
Greater depth to healing my own inner child.
Smiling at my son every morning.
Knowing every day I made someone feel special.
Journaling every day of year 24.
Continued peace and cultivating JOY.
These two lists are everything that I wanted this blog to be and so much more. Of the lessons I learned this year, the one that I would say sticks out the most is that of soaking up the mundane. Being a stay-at-home mom hasn't been easy. It's the same routine, same foods, same old. And the days blur together. But I've begun to soak it all up, and look forward to the "boring" days. I think of how lucky I am to be spending so much time with the beautiful human I made! Gosh, to spend the day looking into his eyes, it's like the best thing ever. And in embracing the boring I've found it so rewarding. No, I'm not going to turn into some trad-wife and begin talking about the blessing of having laundry to fold. LOL BUT, I'm beginning to love the mundane. The days spent at home.
The hope that sticks out to me the most is the first one. Health. I've spent so much time in the past two years sick. I'm so small now, and no, it's not because I "bounced" back. Nope. It's because I've spent years sick. And in 2024 I want to change that. I want to eat better and heal my gut, take vitamins, and have a skincare routine. I want to wear sunscreen, and just be a better example to my son of a mother who cares for herself. I deserve better, and he deserves better. I want so many people around me to be healthy and therefore, I gotta start with myself. So that is my priority for this upcoming 24th year.
Anywho, if you've read this far thank you. I know my consistency hasn't been the best on this blog in the last two years, but growing and raising a human is A LOT! 😂 I can't wait to see what the future has in store and I hope this could inspire you! Maybe as the new year approaches you could do this same activity!